Jana and Maya headed home early with plans to stop and ski at Hoodoo on their way. We had a wonderful visit and I’m excited that they might come back in a couple weeks for another ski weekend. I really have to watch myself because I have such a tendency to withdraw into a hermitic existence. A bit later Bob emailed to let me know he’d be coming home that afternoon or possibly on Monday, depending on the surf outlook.  I pondered his return and realized I hadn’t had much alone-time since he left, what with Jana’s visit and all. I realize I’m a bit odd because I’m so comfortable being alone, it really isn’t a common trait in humans, but some people actually thrive as recluses. I don’t like being lonely, but I do need to be alone from time to time.  Living in town, with all its inhabitants, has been one of the hardest things about spending time away from the ranch.  Even in town, when Bob is away, I often go for days without interacting with others. I work alone in my home and go out into the wilderness to ski or hike. If I only get time for exercising on the Butte, I take a rogue trail that I created so I don’t run into other people.

 

I felt strongly that I needed some space for a while and I really don’t like it when Bob’s schedule is decided by the hour, or minute (based on the surf forecast). I won’t make plans with others then break them because Bob decides to come home. At the same time, Bob is my favorite person and friend so I do like to be home when he comes back to town after a few days or weeks away. The indecision is frustrating. So, I called Bob and told him how I felt and asked him not to come back to Bend for a few more days. I apologized if it hurt his feelings, which he admitted it did a little bit, but he understood and hoped the fairly bad surf forecast would be wrong and that he might still get in some more water time after all.  I was really pooped from yesterday’s big ski so I stayed home and worked some, cleaned the house, read, and took an easy 3-mile walk up the Butte; all alone, except for my dog.