We drove the Honda car to Seaside today for Grandma Jackie’s memorial service. Bob has been working a lot lately so I was looking forward to five hours in the car with him so we could talk and catch up on each other’s lives. I brought fun music and fun food and made sure to get in a “happy” state of reality before we left. I wanted to make a road trip out of it since we’ve both been intensely focused on anything but fun for the past week or so. I chattered away about current events and politics for a while but Bob wasn’t getting into it so I moseyed on to topics ranging from philosophy to literature to movies. Nothing seemed to engage him and I still couldn’t get more than one-word responses or grunts from him. Here I thought I was being witty and funny and interesting but he wasn’t responding.
I asked him what the matter was. I was quite certain it had nothing to do with grieving or issues about his grandmother since we had spent a good bit of time during the past few weeks addressing these issues. He assured me everything was fine and that indeed I was funny and charming and that he was laughing and responding…inside. I explained to him that this was akin to loving someone and/or thinking they are beautiful but never saying it out loud so what good does it do. I guess we ended up having a fight, though we never raised our voices as is our pattern, and I finally withdrew and spent the majority of our drive road-tripping and having conversations by myself. Man, was I entertaining.
We got to Seaside with enough time left to go surfing (which had been the goal) but the winds were wrong so we settled into the home of some friends, Dave and Jana, who are off to Tahiti (again) for some warm water surfing. Good for them but nice for us too since they have a really comfortable, large home a few blocks from the ocean so we’ll be living in style during our time in Seaside. Bob tried to engage me since I’d been ignoring him for most of the day (not pouting, just daydreaming, really). However, I preferred to spend the rest of my evening reading.